Memorial
by BLT
Summary: Naomi goes to a museum of Starfleet history. Really sad and not a spin off of the real show called Memorial.


Memorial

Disclaimer-I don't own 'um, yada, yada, yada.

Spoiler-I talk a lot about the episode "Once Upon a Time" in this. You might want to watch it first so you won't get confused.

Author's Note-First of all, I would like to thank you all for your kind reviews of my previous stories. Also, this is not a spin off of the real episode called Memorial I promise. This takes place fifty years after the series ends. What is taking place on the holodeck is in italics. Miral Paris is Tom and B'Elanna's daughter (just in case you didn't know that). I know I talk too much so I'm shutting up, enjoy. J 

Memorial

I haven't been to San Francisco since I resigned my commission. What brought me back now? Did I want to take some twisted trip back to my roots? I may not know why I'm here, but my subconscious seems to have a definite plan. I can hardly remember my trip to the Museum of Starfleet History even though it took me across half of America. My mind must have wandered to my life on Voyager. Even though I wasn't technically a member of the crew, I spent seven years of my life on the ship. I was there for every up, every down, people called me a little optimist because I was happy even though our lives weren't always so great. I'm not the little girl I was fifty years ago, but I still remember as if it all happened yesterday.

Most of the people that lived on Voyager are now gone, most died of old age. The children are the only ones left. I know the most about Voyager, I was the oldest of us all. But that also meant that I knew the crew better and when I heard about each of their deaths, it tore me up inside. Maybe that's why I'm here, I never really got to say goodbye to them.

I have finally managed to navigate my way to the Voyager section of the museum. They tore the bridge out of the ship and put it inside a museum. I wasn't allowed to visit the bridge much, but even if I'd only been here once, I would still remember it. Up in the front Tom Paris would sit and expertly pilot the ship, sometimes making sarcastic remarks or cracking jokes to lighten up the usually tense mood. Behind him would be Tuvok reading out tactical data and dire reports without the slightest hint of emotion. It never ceases to amaze me that he could pull off the most daring plans without a hint of adrenaline to get him going. To Tuvok's left would be Harry Kim, destined for greatness but sidetracked on a seventy thousand light year trip. I heard that he was a bright neon green as far as experience goes and in the naïve hall of fame when he started out and turned into an officer that could not have come up with more astounding ideas. In front of Harry would be Chakotay, captain of a Maquis ship that turned Starfleet and added to much to what they had. I know that Chakotay loved the Captain, but also respected the fact that she had an image and protocols to hold up. Captain Kathryn Janeway, she was so strong, I never knew how she did it, guided a ship full of people back to Earth. She had a mask that she almost never took off, but that mask didn't cover her eyes. Many people didn't take the time to look into her eyes and find all that was hidden there; hope, sadness, happiness, remorse, and regret. Many people dubbed her "the ice women" without getting to know her. There was also B'Elanna Torres, whose work in engineering was never done. I learned a lot from her too; honor, integrity: we had a lot in common, both of us being half human. I didn't have as much trouble with my alien side, but I understand her conflicts with herself. Seven, a former Borg who somehow reclaimed her humanity. I always enjoyed my time with Seven, playing Katis-Kot and other such things. Neelix, my godfather, to this day I have yet to meet anyone more enthusiastic about even the smallest of tasks.

The computer tour guide suddenly snaps me back into the present by saying, "We not invite you to explore a day in the life of the Voyager crew." "Impress me," I think as I step onto a holodeck and start the simulation.

__

Suddenly I'm on the bridge again. Harry says, "I can't raise the shuttle." "Could it have anything to do with the ion storm we passed through?" inquired the Captain. "It hasn't effected our sensors or com system, but it could have damaged the shuttle," replied Harry. "Are we talking about a search and rescue mission here?" asked Chakotay. "It sure seems that way," said Harry. "But Ensign Wildman is on that shuttle, what am I going to tell Naomi?" asked Neelix, who had been standing on the bridge the whole time. "For right now, nothing, they could have just gotten sidetracked," replied Janeway. 

"Oh no," I think, "of everything that happened to us, they made this one an exhibit that I might come and see?" This botched mission that my mom was on was the most painful memory of my life. I had hoped I'd left it in the Delta Quadrant, but now it is back to haunt me. I can't stop the program, it might be painful, but it is the best recreation of anything that has ever happened on Voyager. It is part of my past, and it's time to face the music.

__

The scene dissolved around me and I was on the holodeck with Trevis and Flotter and a five year old version of myself, worried sick about why my mom hadn't called me that day. They were like my family, those holographic characters, they consoled me when I was scared and not getting any answers from Neelix, which only made me think that something was terribly wrong. I might have been young, but I wasn't stupid. _Then the fire came, and Flotter, my best friend was vaporized. The entire forest was destroyed. It was only a holodeck and it could be reset to the way it was, but I realized that I was weak, because I could do noting to stop the fire from taking Flotter._

The holodeck inside a holodeck faded away to reveal the fate of the doomed shuttle, stuck deep inside solid rock. They didn't let me know the true extent of what a dire situation they were in, I suppose that was good because I would have flipped out because my mom, Tom, and Tuvok were stuck in a rock with hardly enough air to last them a couple of hours. They didn't tell me that my mom ribs had broken and poked her internal organs, making her literally drown in her own blood.

__

The program is now taking me back to the bridge just in time for the younger me to walk in and find the Captain and Neelix talking about the shuttle in question. Why do I have to relive that moment all over again? There is no denying it, as much as I try to ignore it, I'm feeling the same betrayal and hatred that I had at the moment that actually happened_. I ran to the holodeck for the console of Trevis and Flotter, who I had recently condensed back into water. I told them everything that happened through my tears. Then Neelix walked in, and I called him a liar. _ I know it must have hurt him to hear me say that, he was only trying to protect me from the brutal reality that was going on in that shuttle. I was so angry, as angry as I am now, standing here, watching the worst day of my life play out before my eyes. I can't help but cry along with my holographic counterpart because in that moment, my entire life crashed down around me.

__

Without giving me a chance to calm myself down, the scene changes once again to the shuttle where Tom is recording his goodbye message. Neelix hadn't told me about the messages, much less let me read the one from my mom. Then Tom stops talking and helps my mom painfully up into the chair. She begins with, "You know how much I love you, but let me tell you one last time, I love you. I know this will be hard I you, but I want you to be a good girl for Neelix, he'll be taking care of you now. I wish I could see you one last time, but I can't. I love you sweetie." As she finishes she kisses her hand and places it on the screen. Hot, stinging tears fill my eyes and make their watery way down my face and stain my clothes where they fall. I can hear the rescue teams outside as they try to save them, and Tom hitting the bulkhead, trying to help them get a fix on their position, but I'm to lost in remorse to really pay attention. Why hadn't they showed that recording to me? Probably because I would have reacted the same way I did just not, only with childish exaggeration.

__

Now the scene fades and is replaced with the likeness of sickbay when I get to see my mother for the first time after they are rescued. As the younger me hugs my mother I feel the same happiness that I did back then_. _They say all's well that ends well, but all was not well for me for a long time after that. I felt like I couldn't love anyone anymore because I might just as soon lose them and I though that Neelix would hate me forever. They managed to leave out that it was B'Elanna that convinced me to go back to the person I was before. She and I had a lot in common, and she had gone through almost the same thing less than a year before. I finally noticed, with a lot of help from B'Elanna, that if I couldn't even love my own mom because I might lose her, then I wouldn't really be living. As the simulation finally ends, the computer says, "Thank you for taking a day in the lives of the Voyager crew. Please enjoy the displays or come and visit the memorial wall in honor of everyone that has ever lived and died for Starfleet. The area around me finally reverts back to the holo-grid and I leave the room.

As I walk past the numerous displays that show every detail of Voyager, I try to recollect my thoughts. This museum gives everything; ship's specs, mission reports, everything except for how we really felt. But then, you had to actually be there to know what we went through. "There's nothing in this museum that I don't already know," I think as I leave.

When I step outside, I notice a black wall, the wall the computer must have mentioned when the simulation ended. At the bottom of the steps, there is an old man selling flowers. He couldn't be Boothby, the old grounds-keeper passed on years ago, but this man seems extremely pleasant, so I but I flower just to try to make his day a little better.

As I walk up to it, and the white names engraved in the black granite wall become clearer, I can make out the name James T. Kirk and next to it, Spock. They started Starfleet, when space was a whole lot bigger. They traveled to the far reaches of the galaxy, or as for as they could go, having a top speed of warp 5. A lot of people, myself included would have given anything to meet them. 

When I move on, I reach the names of Jean-Luc Picard and the rest of the crew of the Enterprise D. They weren't kidding when they said that they got everyone, even Doctor Palaski is on here. I truly respect the Enterprise and it's crew, especially because they gave Starfleet's first android, Data, a chance to try to be human. 

What's this? The people of Deep Space Nine? The last of Starfleet that the crew of Voyager saw before they were taken to the Delta Quadrant. Life was never easy for them either, Captain Sisko always had a problem on his hands some involving the Maquis. I never knew the Maquis for what they really were, but I think they should have gotten more of a chance, they were only fighting for what they believe in.

As I step up to the section inscribed with the names of the people that lived on Voyager for seven years with me, I can't help but acknowledge the feeling of serenity that comes over me. 

The first name I read is Captain Kathryn Janeway, who was so strong, so brave, and never gave up hope that we would make it back to Earth. It was her determination that they thrived on, the fuel behind all their attempts to get back. She inspired me to join Starfleet and eventually become a captain. She made me the person that I am today. I always knew that she and Chakotay were meant for each other so when they both made admiral and he was no longer her subordinate, they started dating and eventually got married. Good things really do come to those who wait but this was way too long. 

Next on the list is Commander Chakotay, a man with a mission, though what it was, I never really knew. He always seemed so at piece with himself even though he was with the Maquis. I couldn't call him a rebel without a cause though. From what I heard, the Cardassians were beating up on the Bajorians pretty bad. 

After that, I find Lieutenant-Commander Tuvok, calm through any circumstances. While I admire his emotionless way of living I'm not sorry that I'm not Vulcan. His level headedness had gotten us out of many a scrape, without him, I might not be standing here today, reminiscing about him. 

As I scroll through the names, I pause on the names of Lieutenant Tom Paris and Lieutenant B'Elanna Torres-Paris. If there is anything I wouldn't give up about our trip through the Delta Quadrant, it's being able to watch them. I might have been young, but I saw how cute they were together. The two of them actually went on to become captain and commander of their own vessel, the Kapla. B'Elanna was the captain. I served under them as an ensign on my first assignment out of the academy and I continued to learn a lot from both of them. B'Elanna's creative though somewhat unorthodox ideas and Tom's taking the helm when it was needed brought us out on top of many rough missions. They died in each other's arms after they were taken hostage on a radioactive planet and our transporters couldn't get a lock on them. I was the first person to find them after that. This simple wall brings back so many memories. 

For the second time today, hot tears fill my eyes and spill over my cheeks. I force myself to move on down the wall to where Seven's name is. They put both Seven's designation and her human name on the wall, fitting as she reclaimed so much more of her humanity after we got back. A part of her was still Seven of Nine, Terchenary adjunct of unimatrix zero one, but more and more became Annika Hansen. She worked hard for Starfleet, passing through the academy in only a couple of years and eventually making lieutenant commander. I've heard her sing, she must have the voice of an angel even if the people who gave it to her were the devil themselves.

Tearing my eyes away from Seven's name, I find myself once again in a stare-down with ensign Harry Kim. He was like the friend that I never really had on Voyager, as there wasn't very many kids. Even though he was an adult, I felt like I could talk to him, and he would laugh at my jokes, however cheesy they might have been. He eventually became an admiral, finally getting the promotion that he dreamed of for seven years (and a few more besides). He never really seemed to grow old, just in body, never in spirit.

So memories, brought about because of names sketched on a wall, but they aren't just names they're stories of their lives that were never told to their true extent. The doctor will live on, and continue telling the tale, but that is his perspective, all of theirs was lost when they died. I become aware of the rose that I have been playing with ever since I came down here to reminisce at this wall. I silently set it down near the names of everyone on that great ship. A flower that will eventually wilt and die, just like the rest of us, near the names of the only people that I knew for seven years. Names that will disappear if it should ever rain, gone but not forgotten, just like the rest of us. I believe that Major Michael O'Donnell said it best when he talked about everyone that was taken down at Vietnam saying, "If you are able, wave for them a place inside of you and save one backward glance when you are leaving for the places they can no longer go. Be not ashamed to say you loved them, though you may or may not have always. Take what they taught you with their dying and keep it with your own. And in that time when men decide and feel safe to call the war insane, take one moment to embrace those gentle heroes you left behind."

So many stories, all hidden behind names on a wall. It just doesn't seem to do them justice. Everyone in Starfleet risks their lives everyday for the sake of exploration and for what, to get their name in a history book and on a wall? We tend to forget the past as we search for the future.

I am suddenly pulled back to reality when I hear someone crying beside me. I straiten up to find Miral Paris sobbing in front of the names of her parents. Not sure if I should intervene, I just stand here, watching her cry. When she doesn't stop, I gently place a hand on her shoulder and say, "You okay?" "Yeah," she replies, "I just never really got to say goodbye to them." I suppose I should say something profound here, she is almost like my little sister and I can't stand to see her in so much pain. All that I can think to say is, "They still live in you, and they loved you, and they know that you loved them. Keep alive their memories and they will never really die." She seems comforted at these words, though tears are still streaming down her face. As she goes to wipe the tears off of her cheeks, I notice a com-badge in her hand. "What's that for," I ask. "It was my mother's from when she was on Voyager, I found it in a box this morning. I guess I thought that I should put it by her name as a memento from when she and dad were on the ship together," she replies, placing the badge on the ground next to their names. "There is probably no better place for it," I say, helping her back to her feet. When she starts crying again I place my arm around her shoulders and walk with her to the gate back to civilization. "Come on," I say, "Let's go back to my place and you can talk about it." "I don't know what I'd do without you, Naomi," Miral replies. "I know you'd do the same for me," I reply.


End file.
